WHEN AND HOW DO I GROW UP......??
In my opinion this I'm sure is a question every single person may have asked themselves at least once if not more in desperation the world over..when in distress or in sweet melancholy...or even find it very difficult to confess to.
Do I really need to grow up... have I yet to grow up or am I really grown up or am I just feeling unnerved by the environment I've been pushed into the last 12 months. I use the word 'pushed into' not because it was against my will.. yes I did willingly concur to travel thousand of kilometres with my husband and three children all under the age of 5...excitement and a little thirst for the unknown and new city life with all its attractions where I blog from now.. my decision clouded against my better judgement.
Please don't get me wrong..I'm not from a village but just from a not so fast paced a city where you have a choice to either jump on the bandwagon or stay off it..I chose to stay off it.
And here I am today sitting in a café bustling with chatting consumers out for lunch...I can't help myself using the word "consumers' ..I'm not sure whether its because I'm a bankers wife or whether I've been consumed and pulled into this quagmire I can't seem to bring myself out of.
You wonder what on earth is she talking about...hmmmm I can't seem to find the spot where I can lay my finger on I can't seem to find that lil shade where I can stop to catch my breath for a second take a lil break from the harsh rays of the tropical sun.
I think I'm a good mother..well at least I try to do the best I can ,not trying to be an internet mom..our mothers never had access to it when we were growing up and we turned out pretty fine... did we?
When we first moved here I just couldn't shrug off that uncomfortable teeth grinding feeling where I realised that I was thousands of kilometres away from my mum and my mum in law who I still looked up to for advice or reminders to say my prayers... give sadaqah..and oh so much more..were no longer here with me..because I was alone I was to grow up an take care of my family as we steered ourselves through this new meandering path we had chosen..
All our lives we wait for that moment to grow up and make our own decisions and when opportunity is available and we find ourselves in an arena with a roaring crowd beckoning you to take a step forward.... you crouch... oh bullocks!!
Is it fair for a small town/city spoilt lil girl like myself... minus my travelling experiences to be pushed into a city where I just can't seem to find my pace...
My entire day is consumed with home schooling my 3 and4 year old.... that too because I don't quite agree with the teaching methodology at the chosen school.. and then the latter half coaching my daughter in homework... then its making sure the kids get their bit of physical activity and dinner and in bed on time.
Yes I think I may have just found the spot to lay my finger...I feel I've been pulled into this paradox of life where things have begun to contradict each other... we live in a time where too much is happening and we can't keep pace with it..we build larger lives while it remains an empty vessel... we sleep late..wake up tired..spend more yet have less..we find faults but don't have time for correction..
Think the time has come to stop an take a deep breath..what is really important..life is not measured by the counts of breath we take in everyday but the special moments we take everyday.
It's me..I need to find my place in this city... my spot... my connection...
Back home I knew what where and how I wanted things.... now I just need t to figure out the What and How...
Think its time to grow up!!
In my opinion this I'm sure is a question every single person may have asked themselves at least once if not more in desperation the world over..when in distress or in sweet melancholy...or even find it very difficult to confess to.
Do I really need to grow up... have I yet to grow up or am I really grown up or am I just feeling unnerved by the environment I've been pushed into the last 12 months. I use the word 'pushed into' not because it was against my will.. yes I did willingly concur to travel thousand of kilometres with my husband and three children all under the age of 5...excitement and a little thirst for the unknown and new city life with all its attractions where I blog from now.. my decision clouded against my better judgement.
Please don't get me wrong..I'm not from a village but just from a not so fast paced a city where you have a choice to either jump on the bandwagon or stay off it..I chose to stay off it.
And here I am today sitting in a café bustling with chatting consumers out for lunch...I can't help myself using the word "consumers' ..I'm not sure whether its because I'm a bankers wife or whether I've been consumed and pulled into this quagmire I can't seem to bring myself out of.
You wonder what on earth is she talking about...hmmmm I can't seem to find the spot where I can lay my finger on I can't seem to find that lil shade where I can stop to catch my breath for a second take a lil break from the harsh rays of the tropical sun.
I think I'm a good mother..well at least I try to do the best I can ,not trying to be an internet mom..our mothers never had access to it when we were growing up and we turned out pretty fine... did we?
When we first moved here I just couldn't shrug off that uncomfortable teeth grinding feeling where I realised that I was thousands of kilometres away from my mum and my mum in law who I still looked up to for advice or reminders to say my prayers... give sadaqah..and oh so much more..were no longer here with me..because I was alone I was to grow up an take care of my family as we steered ourselves through this new meandering path we had chosen..
All our lives we wait for that moment to grow up and make our own decisions and when opportunity is available and we find ourselves in an arena with a roaring crowd beckoning you to take a step forward.... you crouch... oh bullocks!!
Is it fair for a small town/city spoilt lil girl like myself... minus my travelling experiences to be pushed into a city where I just can't seem to find my pace...
My entire day is consumed with home schooling my 3 and4 year old.... that too because I don't quite agree with the teaching methodology at the chosen school.. and then the latter half coaching my daughter in homework... then its making sure the kids get their bit of physical activity and dinner and in bed on time.
Yes I think I may have just found the spot to lay my finger...I feel I've been pulled into this paradox of life where things have begun to contradict each other... we live in a time where too much is happening and we can't keep pace with it..we build larger lives while it remains an empty vessel... we sleep late..wake up tired..spend more yet have less..we find faults but don't have time for correction..
Think the time has come to stop an take a deep breath..what is really important..life is not measured by the counts of breath we take in everyday but the special moments we take everyday.
It's me..I need to find my place in this city... my spot... my connection...
Back home I knew what where and how I wanted things.... now I just need t to figure out the What and How...
Think its time to grow up!!
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