Thursday, August 27, 2015


I keep wondering what it is about life...
At what point in life is one really content..
At what time and moment can one really sit back and reminisce days gone by..
At what point do we really feel our life took the path we may have wished or aspired to have it taken.

When does life really start for a person..
Is it at the time of the fertilisation  or birth..?
Did life begin for us the moment we exited the uterine walls and entered this world which encapsulates the human existence in throes of constant needs... and wants and desires....

The beginning of human personhood is the moment in the life of a human when they are first recognized as a person.

Ancient writers held diverse views on the beginning of personhood..it being understood as the entry and development of the soul into the human body .Generally, the question of the ensoulment of the Fetus revolved around the question of when the rational soul entered the body....whether it was an integral part of the bodily form and substance, or whether it was pre-existent and subject to reincarnation or pre-existence..leaving in mind that the soul may have existed long before its actual conception..

Sorry I don't intend to get all philosophical here about  birth,life and its meaning... but just voicing a conversation I had with a  dear friend who every day ripens in her pregnant state.. whom I am going to surely miss once back home in  my country which would be in less than a week ... that's 6 days or144 hours or 8640 minutes away.

Life is funny this way just when you have found your ground and created an environment around yourself ..you got to pack up and relocate..hmmmmph.

My dear friend and not to forget to mention her colleague and I steal away hours much to their boss's annoyance I'm sure, chatting about life...!

In my opinion and solely my opinion...
Life begins anew at different stages I say..

First you are infant..then a toddler..you grow into a bratty five to six year old.right into your young years where you experience emotions and mental development which one isn't even equipped to handle much less even understand.Soon enough you hit puberty and you enter an age 'teen years' which is so hyped with the onset of first time crushes..best friends..sleep overs..[my almost-first time-sleepover was a disaster] first time make up trials amongst curfews and then schools entire paraphernalia...you don't realise you've entered adulthood until you in it knee deep and that is one door in life you have to enter and you can't go running back to mommy the way you may have on your first day at kindergarten.One just has to enter it.

One doesn't think ones life is an experience for oneself unless you come in contact with a person and I don't mean your high school buddy..but with someone unrelated to your days gone , they make you stop for a second and reminisce days gone back.

One doesn't realise how much you can learn from one another every passing second..you only do so once you've walked away...and that itself is an experience.Its funny I always thought that you only experienced a void when you lost someone dear to yourself but now I realise, I feel that ones heart is as big as you allow it to be and it can get larger than life itself and impossible to  contain it in its little crevice.

You move like the speed of lightning and before one even realises one has been struck by its sheer brilliance..and that is the joy of meeting such diverse people and their admiration and respect for you.

My dear friend this is just the beginning of my next blog for you..
You convinced me to share my lil anecdotes with you...it was a pleasure relating them...and I hope to do so again soon...

Keep reading.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


In my opinion this I'm sure is a question every single person may have asked themselves at least once if not more in desperation the world over..when in distress or in sweet melancholy...or even find it very difficult to confess to.

Do I really need to grow up... have I yet to grow up or am I really grown up or am I  just feeling unnerved by the environment I've been pushed into the last 12 months. I use the word 'pushed into'  not because it was against my will.. yes I did willingly concur to travel thousand of kilometres  with my husband and three children all under the age of 5...excitement and a little thirst for the unknown and new city life with all its attractions where I blog from now.. my decision clouded against my better judgement.

Please don't get me wrong..I'm not from a village but just from a not so fast paced a city where you have a choice to either jump on the bandwagon or stay off it..I chose to stay off it.

And here I am today sitting in a cafĂ© bustling with chatting consumers out for lunch...I  can't help myself using the word "consumers' ..I'm not sure whether its because I'm a bankers wife or whether I've been consumed and pulled into this quagmire I can't seem to bring myself out of.

You wonder what on earth is she talking about...hmmmm I can't seem to find the spot where I can lay my finger on I can't seem to find that lil shade where I can stop to catch my breath for a second take a lil break from the harsh rays of the tropical sun.

I think I'm a good mother..well at least I try to do the best I can ,not trying to be an internet mom..our mothers never had access to it when we were growing up and we turned out pretty fine... did we?

When we first moved here I just couldn't shrug off that uncomfortable teeth grinding feeling where I realised that I was thousands of kilometres away from my mum and my mum in law who I still looked up to for advice or reminders to say my prayers... give sadaqah..and oh so much more..were no longer here with me..because I was alone I was to grow up an take care of my family as we steered ourselves through this new meandering path we had chosen..

All our lives we wait for that moment to grow up and make our own decisions and when  opportunity is available and we find ourselves in an arena with a roaring crowd beckoning you to take a step forward.... you crouch... oh bullocks!!

Is it fair for a small town/city spoilt lil girl like myself... minus my travelling experiences to be pushed into a city where I just can't seem to find my pace...

My entire day is consumed with home schooling my 3 and4 year old.... that too because I don't quite agree with the teaching methodology at the chosen school.. and then the latter half coaching my daughter in homework... then its making sure the kids get their bit of physical activity and dinner and in bed on time.

Yes I think I may have just found the spot to lay my finger...I feel I've been pulled into this paradox of life where things have begun to contradict each other... we live in a time where too much is happening and we can't keep pace with it..we build larger lives while it remains an  empty vessel... we sleep late..wake up tired..spend more yet have less..we find faults but don't have time for correction..

Think the time has come to stop an take a  deep breath..what is really important..life is not measured by the counts of breath we take in everyday but the special moments we take everyday.

It's me..I need to find my place in this city... my spot... my connection...
Back home I knew what where and how I wanted things.... now I just need t to figure out the What and How...

Think its time to grow up!!


Tuesday, June 24, 2014


FASHION and YOURS TRULY....!!: ...ONE FINE DAY..!!: ......ONE FINE DAY...! Its a lovely day here in kuala lumpur today as I sit under a shady branch of a tree which reminds me of the mango...


......ONE FINE DAY...!

Its a lovely day here in kuala lumpur today as I sit under a shady branch of a tree which reminds me of the mango trees back in Lahore , Pakistan,at my grandparents huge estate..where my cousins and I would climb up the mango trees to break of the sour raw  mangoes (keearies.pronounced as kaay-ries..as they are called in Urdu) which  once sliced and laced with salt and chili powder kept us for hours under the shady branches of the tree in the hot sweltering summer afternoons sizzling our tongues and dousing  our lips in cool iced lemonades..sharing witch stories..

Sigh those were the days...they seem like years ago...as I recollect memories from my childhood days they surely are care free moments to cherish as I sit  under this nameless tree branching out its leaves swaying in the balmy breeze writing away with every  inch of myself satiated in self ease..not that this word makes any sense..but to me at this very moment it does..

People don't normally write to entertain others..they write putting down thoughts on paper..they write to self evaluate certain aspects within themselves...to document their everyday life...to find focus and to streamline..MAYBE in my opinion..

Its called getting a load off your shoulders..venting out at a loved one..saying things you would not normally say on any othergiven day..not having to rush home but sit lazily nestled between two high-rises sipping coffee and digging into sinful tiramisu... now I smile...24 years later..I still yearn for those sliced chili mangoes.

I sit pondering will my boisterous happy go lucky children be as lucky  to experience the days with their cousins as I did with mine... will they sit or have the pleasure of sitting at ease 20 years down the lane, I choose lane just because the word 'road' to me denotes a pathway racing with heavy traffic..I wish them little cobblestone streets or pretty country lanes where they walk with heads up high , and reminisce memories..
,.don't get me wrong I don't wish them to be ignorant of the world or be in denial of the cruelty being inflictedupon the lesser ones or societies being torn apart .or economies collapse..the absence of values and morals ...I just wish they choose amidst all this craziness a life with meaning  which we so desperately hold onto  as this tumultuous storm threatens to overthrow what chose to  built itself around us..and I say 'what chose to built itself around us' just because we took it all for granted never occurring to us it would no longer be available 30 years up the lane... and that we would have to desperately search for that essence or time or commodity for that matter it would be called now

I shift my thoughts and gaze to the people frolicking near at the symphony lake..the fountains swaying with music.... which brings the famous song to my mind and I just can't helping humming it as I head home...

...like a flower bending in the breeze..
Bend with me, sway with me....

When we dance you have a way with me
...stay with me, sway with me....

I can hear the sounds of the violins
Long before it begins

Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

...like a lazy ocean hugs the shore...
..hold me close, sway me now....

I can't help but softly smile as the words sink in...
Something more powerful than just what are mere motions around me encapsulates my entire being in peace which I believe is the first step in obtaining strength and that in itself is larger than life....

One fine day!!


Monday, January 27, 2014


Now thats a question im very sure everyone asks themselves every single day...
it can be in relation to anyplace..anything and anyone..

I without fail keep questioning myself with the above...
What if I had never been living in my City...?
What if i had never been to the school  i did..?
What if I had never made the friends I made...?
What if I had never had met my husband...?
...there is a never ending list of "what if we never had...'

In this wide world of ours people usually think that destiny is pre-determined and we as individuals have no control in shaping our destiny...
..where i beg to differ because i believe the opposite to a certain degree....

If  lives of every being around us from the flutter of a butterfly to the cooing of the cuckoo...
to every move and action we make was pre-ordained then it would surely mean that mercy and forgiveness  meant nothing...mistakes would not be erased and we would be destined to hell...!!

I believe with strong conviction that the power of prayer is the ultimate source of shaping ones destiny...asking for Guidance from The Most Supreme is the key to finding ones way around..

I dont mean to get religious here..so full stop.

If it had not been for my daughter's birth we would have been in kuala lumpur 2 years ago and if it had not been for my son's birth it we would have been here 3 years back..and if they both had not meant to make an appearance we would have been here right away with our 1st daughter 5 years ago..

I  guess its quite true when they say...(dont ask me who says?....like my husband tends to question me very often..and I simply say now...I SAY...)...there is a time and place for everything and everyone....we just need to persevere and pray for the best to happen...

So here i am with my family of 5 not knowing what to expect...i can just explore what is waiting to be explored....and if i have to walk a little cobblestone path to get to the boulevard lined with sugar maple trees....(why sugar maple?..because they almost go through a complete colour cycle..from shades of green to yellows to hues of orange and reds until they are shed in autumn..to begin yet another..)..so then be it!!

Just as I was coming home today..I actually enjoy taking the LRT....(much to my husbands enjoyment...he think im such a snob not to take it...)I couldn't help clicking this scene..if anyone watched the movie SLIDING DOORS..starring Gwyneth Paltrow...would relate to this scene without fail....the only difference my day ends with my loved one not without!!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


The Fact Is, Sometimes It's Really Hard To Walk In A Single Woman's Shoes. That's Why We Need Really Special Ones Now And Then To Make The Walk A Little More Fun'

Are we living in the real world or a world we think is real...?

DO we fake our lives..?
Do we fake our age....?
Do we fake  to feel better..?

Are we faking dressing up...?
Are we faking style just because we think its fashionable...?
Is it ok to fake fur  just because we want to feel rich..?

Can we be  alone or do we really need people to feel social..?
Do we need to fake submissiveness to let the man feel empowered..?

So my thoughts come back to are we living in the real world or a bubble we create of our choice..we select our friends..we select  the places we want to go (strike off the ones we don't want to go to)select the cars we want to be seen in..the clothes we want to wear because we think its what should be worn 'cause its 'fashionable'...behave a certain way because thats how we get into the 'IT' crowd...the wanna be yuppie wife with her gucci bags and gucci shoes...and the foreign help in tow.... trying to promote the wifes at the kitty-coffee mornings so that she meets other rich ladies and re-invests the husbands investments...sending our children to selective schools with the only criteria being..are your parents those from  who's  who's list.....aha..holidays!!
where are we  going this summer...which hotel are we staying at...buying the latest birkin....(well the country i come from..such is the norm...)

Is this what we really want and live for....are we living a life we think we should because we have to be a certain way...

"Don’t be into trends. Don’t make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way you live."
— Gianni Versace
Are we faking being happy...?
Are we faking the present to get to the future..?

Amongst all this is the single fabulous girl..looking for her mr right...just as we explore numerous fashion brands to embrace the perfect sense of style..

Is that real or fake too?

i would say very unreal....there really isn't a Mr.right...we think there would be one but its just an illusion we try to delude ourselves with and we normally fall into the arms of the least expected  off them all because he's the one who stole your heart and not the one who we were conjuring up in our brains..because such men do not exist ....just as a we think we found our sexy black leather corseted bustier we fall for a flirty floral chiffon little blouse oozing more charm than the sexy bustier.

“I'm not a film star, I am an actress. Being a film star is such a false life, lived for fake values and for publicity.” 
-Vivien Leigh

Something very amusing..
My filipina....hahaha(yeah you can say my foreign maid) could be heard trying to stop my 5 year old from doing something which could surely break her neck..i called out for her to my bedroom...forbidding her from performing silly stunts...she replies..'mamaaa if you dont want us to do it..just dont look at us..."and she flung her hair back giggling walked away...leaving me absolutely aghast!!

I could not help wondering how she came up with such a concept...out of sight out of mind..and more so at the moment as i was penning my thoughts  about what part of our life is real and what part is not..was this for real or what..what part of growing up is...did she really think that being oblivious to something is the best way in not accepting it....
Ofcourse  we can very easily block whatever we want from our minds and  not think about it and fake the emotions that  may be aroused if done so...
...she comes back to me questioning as to what was I doing?...writing,I answered..another question...writing about what??..what I thought of life...she says 'i think Allah is life mama.....'

Can life really be this simple..looking at it through a 5  year olds eyes....why look at something if its going to bother you....and we can't even give up our 8 inch heels blistering our pretty feet....
is it real very easy to let go off ones inhibitions and be ourselves...dancing on table tops liberating oneself of any physical bondage..

Are we faking progression of the minds....we think we are happy for people living in developing countries..where their lives have transformed the way a chrysalis does into a butterfly....yet we would be close minded to be in the same environment as theirs....
the same way we would love to buy a gucci bag from china town but not buy it.....because it would be a fake....which is absolutely fine....if we can buy a RM 5000 Gucci just to hide behind our imperfections..we might as well buy the fake Gucci and be called an all cheap knockoff...

Dose a single girl really have a fabulous lifestyle than the doubles.....
Her night of free partying..not being rushed home because the baby sitter has to leave....she can choose her men...and not....she is answerable to none..she does whatever takes her fancy...fake or no fake..

Is it really fun walking through the crowd un-accessorized...??

"The most beautiful clothes that can dress a woman are the arms of the man she loves."
— Yves Saint-Laurent

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


I rolled with laughter and so did my other half who by the way does think all of the above about yours truly....just as my favourite character on t.v wakes up next to Mr.Big and lets say emits morning steam in bed...POP..pOpppPp....totally mortified pooor little Bradshaw..scurries out from under the blanket and runs out the door before Mr.Big could even stop laughing.....what happens next??

Well..the usual!!

The embarrassment....the sleepless nights...the empty no sex-sleepovers at his place...the burning desire of wanting to know whether he stills loves her or not...is the relationship doomed or strong enough to withstand...A LITTLE POP?
The point being..IS IT OKAY to let out a little steam and not be embarrassed..
one said its okay..the other said NO WAY...its NOT! because, yes men want THEIR women to be SUPER BEINGS...no FARTS please..(finally..i could'nt even bring myself to say it...)no hair ANYWHERE...and just be perfect sitting pretty all the time...the 3rd friend said...it should not be about the physical act only...there should be more to a relationship...a kiss is to be more intimate than the act of union itself...(many people would beg to differ)..this shoved carrie more into a profound state of disturbance..
An utter state of uneasiness..a jaw breaking..teeth grinding frustration where she wanted to pull her long locks out of her pretty little head.....that the love which had so consumed  and put her entire being in a turmoil where just breathing was difficult and the only salvation would have been a crystal ball telling her that yes their love would finally inevitably be solemnized one day.

A love that it made her want to be how and what she thought he wanted her to be...she was afraid to be what and how she really was..afraid to show him her true self...incase he did'nt love her for the being that she was.

One fine evening at my own house...my dear and i were sitting with my newly wedded cousin and her husband playing poker and munching...i was winning...
Just as i came back to the table and lowered  my seven+ month pregnant fine figure onto the floor cushion....i went poppingggg...huh..i was MORTIFIED....initially..think my better half was more concerned about me being embarrassed..my cousin and her other half rolled off the couch...HEY..its pregnancy FLATULENCE..ever heard of it??

I wonder now...
is a womans love affair with fashion same as is a mans love affair with changing his socks every weekend...you know what i mean??

is being so in love fashionable or what??
is being fashionable a way out off being in love??

Oscar Wilde said 'love is not fashionable anymore...poets have killed it'

i quite agree with it...so much has been written about love all over true love is really nowhere to be found..very rare..romance has really become a figment of ones imagination...
is love nowadays no where to be found because of people are too busy to love or look for love and find loving fashion easier instead??

Would u wait a day to buy those gorgeous killers heels just as you would wait a week playing hard to get just so the guy you pining for does'nt think you easy...
Its a lot easier to be oneself than not be yourself.

 'I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.'

BTW....I did buy the RM485 dress from WEARHOUSE and love wearing it for my LOVE!!